Ya'll know, i would've posted about lots of things.
Neoprints, quizzes, updates about my week.
I saved it in my drafts,
But it'll be so wrong to publish them.
They seem so insignificant now.
So pointless, and useless.
I'd rather delete them.
Besides, when i read my archives,
None of those such entries excite me anymore.
They no longer deliver that kinda of happy mood i had when writting the entry itself.
So what's the point in wasting hours posting about my day?
What's the point in being a lousy blogger?
I'm not trying to say no, i'd never write about my day ever again.
It's just that, i'm wondering why i waste so much time on it.
What is it constructive to?
Popularity?
Attention?
Fame?
A larger social network?
Bah, naive thinking.
I'm just all cranked up lah.
I'm getting into my sensitive mode again.
You know one of those days in your lives,
You feel like your whole world's against you.
You find faults and vent your anger on any outlet you can discover.
Your sister, your pillows, your BLOG.
There's too many things to handle,
Too many mountains to conquer.
That you're better off not being bothered with them anymore.
That's exactly how I feel right now.
I don't wanna face the music.
I just wanna find a way to hide my fears.
Or express those feelings within me that are dying to break free.
I just wanna find the easy way outta everything.
I feel so helpless.
Like as if the four walls are gonna cave in any moment,
Or trap me in here for eternity.
And there's no way out.
My hands hurt from hitting against the cement walls.
So i'd rather sit still and accept my fate.
I can't stand the way life doesn't go your way.
I can't stand those perfectionism feelings in me.
I can't stand the way i try to comprimise with everything.
I can't stand how friends affect me by the way they behave.
I can't stand my parents who just won't let me grow up.
I can't stand the terms given to me by God, in return for my existence on earth.
I really wanna scream my heart out.
But somebody's bound to ask me to shut up.
Not literally, that is.
Somebody's gonna strip me off my freedom of making myself feel better.
People who label,
Who criticise.
People who have nothing better to do with their own lives.
That they have to interfere with other's.
Also, people who try to make your life difficult.
Intentionally.
Somehow, or so it seems.
No one is able to comprehend my emotions other than myself.
It's the sad truth.
How would the adults know what I want?
How would the people who manipulate me understand my anger?
How would any of them stand in my shoes?
And be me for once.
Humans are just damn bloody selfish.
So am I, not to deny.Let's just say, today's been emotional.
I'm so freaking useless.
Cried because of a romance novel.
Cried because of my parents.
Cried because of problems with friendly relationships.
There's no remedy for a broken heart.
For a torn and tattered soul.
Not even time, i've grown to know this best.
This society is too fast-paced and liberal.
It's the hard way to live your life.
But can we do anything to amend this storyline that has gone wrong?
No.
What can we do about it?
Nothing.
Since there's no way to change it.
Might as well don't give a damn.
And continue to be like that.
That's just so me.Not giving a heck.
